very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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