Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
