I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
