we made out on top of his cat.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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