i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
