farters have to be the big spoon...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
