I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
