I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
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Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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