Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
