put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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