Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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