6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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