At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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