we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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