dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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