Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
