i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
