3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
barbara walters just said penis...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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