it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
