I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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