I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
