Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
do herpes really smell.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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