Someone shit on the floor
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
