At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
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Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
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the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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