i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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