yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
