I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
