remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
