Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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