I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
