You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
