i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
