All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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