You just made me feel so damn special
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
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Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
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WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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