i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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