I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
