you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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