yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
