I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
