So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
