I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
