so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
