thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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