A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
