Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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