plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
