I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
