why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
