More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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