Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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