your parents love me but you hate me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We are all done wearing pants today
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