this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
