I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
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