Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This is my gift to your gina
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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