no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
