All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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