it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
