Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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