There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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