yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
