A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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