My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
