he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
