can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm having to shit out rocks
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
