Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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