You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
