I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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