dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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